“Transtellar Cruise Lines would like to apologize to passengers for the continuing delay to this flight. We are currently awaiting the loading of our complement of small lemon-soaked paper napkins for your comfort, refreshment and hygiene during our journey. Meanwhile we thank you for your patience. The cabin crew will shortly be serving coffee and biscuits again.” (The delay lasted 900 years).
Douglas Adams
‘The Restaurant at the End of the Universe’ (1980)
~~~
“When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.”
Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) (1835-1910)
~~~
“Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.”
Bernard Baruch (1870-1965)
~~~
“To me apples are fruit. To Cezanne they were mountains.”
David Smith, artist, sculptor. (1906-1965)
~~~
“With an apple I will astonish Paris.”
Paul Cézanne, French Artist (1839-1906)
~~~
“There’s small choice in rotten apples.”
William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
‘The Taming of the Shrew’
~~~
“How many apples fell on Newton’s head before he took the hint? Nature is always hinting at us. It hints over and over again. And suddenly we take the hint.”
Robert Frost (1874-1963)
~~~
“Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed.”
Robert Schuller, evangelist
(How to Be an Extraordinary Person in an Ordinary World)
~~~
“I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter’s evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream… I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people’s tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.”
Mark Twain
~~~
“There was an Old Person of Chili,
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,
That imprudent Old Person of Chili.”
Edward Lear, English artist, writer; known for his ‘literary nonsense’ & limericks (1812-1888)
~~~
“You cannot sell a blemished apple in the supermarket, but you can sell a tasteless one provided it is shiny, smooth, even, uniform and bright.”
Elspeth Huxley
~~~
“An apple is an excellent thing — until you have tried a peach.”
George du Maurier (1834-1896)
~~~
“Comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.”
The Song of Solomon 2:5
~~~
“Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman’s punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.”
Helen Rowland
English-American writer (1876-1950)
~~~
“All millionaires love a baked apple.”
Ronald Firbank, novelist (1886-1926) ‘Vainglory’
~~~
“I remember his burlesque pretense that morning of an inextinguishable grief when I wonder that I had never eaten blueberry cake before, and how he kept returning to the pathos of the fact that there should be a region of the earth where blueberry cake was unknown.”
William Dean Howells (1894)
~~~
“A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.”
P. J. O’Rourke (1947 – )