Posts tagged “Food Humor

It's Economically Efficient

Posted on August 24, 2010

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.

It’s Economically Efficient

Posted on August 24, 2010

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.

That’s Not How Manners Work…

Posted on August 24, 2010

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.” Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

That's Not How Manners Work…

Posted on August 24, 2010

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.” Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

Inexplicably Horrifying

Posted on August 24, 2010

Here’s a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party: A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is inexplicably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.

Nuisance

Posted on August 24, 2010

Top 10 Ways to Annoy your Waiter 10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?” 8. After he describes each special, you shout, “Garbage!” 7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage”. 6. Every few seconds, yell, “More waffles, Cuomo!” 5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil. 4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, “You wouldn’t charge Superman for dinner, would you?” 3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard. 2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, “He’s gonna spit in the chowder!” 1. Three words: eat the check.

Good for the Soul

Posted on August 24, 2010

Moments before a famous Shakespearean actor was to perform Hamlet to a packed house in New York, he dropped dead. The house manager solemnly went onstage and announced, “We are sorry to bring you this news, but our performance tonight has been canceled due to the untimely demise of our featured performer.” From the back of the theater a voice cried out, “Give him some chicken soup!” Startled, the stage manager cleared his throat and replied, “I apologize if in my grief I have not made my solemn message clear. The man is deceased.” Once again, but more emphatically the voice rang out, “Give him some chicken soup!” Having had about enough, the manager bellowed back, “Sir, the man is dead. Giving him chicken…

That's Just Criminal…

Posted on August 24, 2010

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?” One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.” “I see. And what did you use to break the bars?” The warden asked. Replied the spokesman, “French Toast…”

That’s Just Criminal…

Posted on August 24, 2010

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?” One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.” “I see. And what did you use to break the bars?” The warden asked. Replied the spokesman, “French Toast…”

Unknown Mistakes

Posted on August 24, 2010

There were three kids that needed a place to stay for the night. They saw a house and knocked….. A farmer ansered the door and the kids asked if they could stay the night. The farmer said yes and told them to sleep in the barn but no matter what DON’T eat his wife’s fresh baked pie. So the kids went to sleep. It was 5:00am when they woke up and they were so hungry that they ate the pie. On the next day the farmer was going to punish them and he told them to go pick one fruit each. So thy did. The first kid came back with an orange and the farmer out it up his nose! The second kid came…

Weren’t there five in this story?

Posted on August 24, 2010

There were three pigs. The first pig went to a bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left. The second pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left. The third pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and was just going to leave and the bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom and the third little pig said “No I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home”

Weren't there five in this story?

Posted on August 24, 2010

There were three pigs. The first pig went to a bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left. The second pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left. The third pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and was just going to leave and the bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom and the third little pig said “No I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home”

Sinfully Delicious

Posted on January 1, 2009

With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it’s little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients’ names to itself.

Almost Too Gross to Post

Posted on August 24, 0209

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!” “That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”