Posts tagged “jokes

That's Not How Manners Work…

Posted on August 24, 2010

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.” Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

Nuisance

Posted on August 24, 2010

Top 10 Ways to Annoy your Waiter 10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?” 8. After he describes each special, you shout, “Garbage!” 7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage”. 6. Every few seconds, yell, “More waffles, Cuomo!” 5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil. 4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, “You wouldn’t charge Superman for dinner, would you?” 3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard. 2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, “He’s gonna spit in the chowder!” 1. Three words: eat the check.

Good for the Soul

Posted on August 24, 2010

Moments before a famous Shakespearean actor was to perform Hamlet to a packed house in New York, he dropped dead. The house manager solemnly went onstage and announced, “We are sorry to bring you this news, but our performance tonight has been canceled due to the untimely demise of our featured performer.” From the back of the theater a voice cried out, “Give him some chicken soup!” Startled, the stage manager cleared his throat and replied, “I apologize if in my grief I have not made my solemn message clear. The man is deceased.” Once again, but more emphatically the voice rang out, “Give him some chicken soup!” Having had about enough, the manager bellowed back, “Sir, the man is dead. Giving him chicken…

Sinfully Delicious

Posted on January 1, 2009

With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it’s little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients’ names to itself.